Goodbye, Baby
by writestories315
Summary: Sometimes we need to say goodbye and let the future take its path.


Title – Goodbye, Baby

Author name - Carol 

E-mail - writestories315@yahoo.com  
Rating - G

Spoilers – Season 9  
Disclaimer – I could try to be funny here, but once you read the FF you'll see why I can't be funny.  So I'll just ask you a question and you can decide.  I've been sitting in front of my computer for 6 hours at least today writing IEP's. Do you think I own JAG?

Summary – Sometimes we need to say goodbye and let the future take its path.

Authors Note's – 

1. Borrowing 'There Goes My Life' by Kenny Chesney.

2. Now to explain this one….this is what happens when you hear a song and know it will work as a FF, but you don't know how.  Then suddenly BAM it hits you.  It also might help that the radio station you listen to plays this song.…..every…. other….. hour.

3. Told in first person POV.  Good luck trying to figure out whose.

4. I'll give you a tissue warning….I got teary writing it.

5. Oh, and just in case you notice.  No beta, my MSOA cat disappeared.  "Bad Kitty-Cat.  Bad."

******************************************************************

I'll never forget that day.  It was after football practice and Shelly came to me and told me the news.  I was so scared and I didn't know what to do.  I just stared at her as she walked away.  My life fell apart.  Why did it have to happen?  I was only 18 and Shelly was 17.  Our lives were over.  She was pregnant.

The photo in my hands reminds me of that day.  Shelly was so pretty, the head cheerleader, and I was the envy of all the boys on the team.  She was my girl and after one night she became my pregnant girl.  I was too young.  It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.  I felt like my life was over.  I couldn't raise a kid….I was just a kid.

_All he could think about was   
How I'm too young for this   
Got my whole life ahead   
Hell, I'm just a kid myself   
How am I gonna raise one?   
  
_

I had dreams.  Of course if you look at my life now you would never know.  I wanted to get out of this town and go somewhere else.  My friends wanted to go to California and become movie stars.  I wanted to move away and start my own life.  That was my dream.  

But in that one sunny afternoon after practice my dream ended.  I couldn't be a father.  I couldn't be.  But I was.  I was and my dreams ended.

_  
All he could see was his dreams   
Goin' up in smoke   
So much for ditchin; this town   
And hangin' out on the coast   
Oh well, those plans are long gone   
  
_

Shelly's parents wanted to kill me, but we said we would be fine.  We got married with their permission and moved into a tiny apartment in town.  I got a job fixing cars at Mike's Car Shop.  It was a job.  It wasn't the job I wanted, but it was the job I needed.

My future was over.  My dreams were over.  My life was over.  My future was gone forever.

  
_And he said   
There goes my life   
There goes my future   
My everything   
Might as well   
Kiss it all goodbye   
There goes my life   
  
_

We made the best out of it.  Shelly was a good little homemaker and we worked at it.  And very slowly we started a life together.  Then on one hot summer day our little girl entered the world.  Her blue eyes and a head full of hair.  I never thought it was possible to love something so small so much.  But I did.  

I fell more in love with Shelly, too.  She knew it and I think on that day our marriage started.  We started saving for a house and after a few months and some help from our folks we got it.  It was a nice house, big enough for the three of us.

Our life was filled with love.  Pictures of my little girl littered the refrigerator along with her crayon creations. She would draw all the time.  My little girl was an artist.  Everyday after a hard day at Mike's she would have a new one for me.  Some pictures of her and me at the park with a dog.  Some of her and Shelly.  My favorite is in my hands now, it's of my little girl and me.  She wrote 'I love you, Daddy' at the bottom.  Shelly told me she did it on her own, but my little girl was three at the time….I know Shelly helped.

  
_A couple years of up all night   
And a few thousand diapers later   
That mistake he thought he made   
Covers up the refrigerator   
Oh yeah, he loves that little girl   
  
_

When I would work late Shelly let her stay up late.  I would come home and my angel would be lying in my chair with her teddy bear.  Her blond curls like a halo atop her head, making her illuminate.  I would tap her nose and her blue eyes would open.  Within seconds I would have a very tired little girl in my arms.  Her kisses covering my cheeks as she sleepily told me about her day.  

After a few minutes Shelly would call for her.  My little girl would give me one last hug and kiss.  She would smile and say, "I love you, Daddy."

  
_Mama's waitin to tuck her in   
As she fumbles up those stairs   
She smiles back at him   
Draggin' that teddy bear   
Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin' curls   
  
_

Then she would go up the stairs, stopping at the landing to blow me a kiss.  I sat there on the floor watching her.  She's the future for me.  She's going to have the life I never had.  She's going to make it.  

I made myself that promise as I watched her go to bed.  She depended on me.  She needed me every step of the way.  She needed me, but I needed her more. 

  
_And he says   
There goes my life   
There goes my future   
My everything   
I love you daddy, goodnight   
There goes my life   
  
_

I wish I could say I never screwed up in life.  But I made a lot of mistakes.  I thought she was a mistake 16 years ago when Shelly told me she was pregnant.  But she wasn't.  She's the best thing that has ever happened to me.  

I know she'll never forgive me, but I tried.  I never meant to hurt her.  That night will live in my mind forever.  I was drunk and mad at the world.  Shelly pleaded for me not to drive, but I did.  My next memory was of the flashing lights and Shelly's lifeless body next to mine.  I'll never forget the look in her eyes.  They looked just like Mattie's.

The sound of the creaking door wakes me from my memories.

She walks into the room and takes a deep breath.  "I think I have everything."

I stand up from the couch and hand her the photo album.  "Take this, its pictures of the family."

Mattie opens the first few pages and smiles.  "Mom kept this in the cabinet."

"Yeah, I thought you might like it," I softly say trying to repair our relationship.

"Thanks."  She looks out the window where Harm and Mac are placing boxes and bags into the back of Harm's SUV.  "You know you're more then welcomed to visit me."

"I know."  I gently take Mattie's hand into mine.  "You have a good life." 

"I will, Dad.  But you're not leaving my life."

"You're life is out there.  He's going to take good care of you….better care then I ever could," I admit to her.

  
_She had that Honda loaded down   
With Abercrombie clothes   
And 15 pairs of shoes   
And his American Express   
He checked the oil, slammed the hood   
Said you're good to go   
She hugged them both   
And headed off to the west coast   
  
_

We hear the trunk of the SVU close.  Mattie glances over her shoulder and smiles at Harm who is laughing with Mac.  She takes a step towards me and gives me a hug.  For a few seconds I think she might break a rib.  My arms wrap around her and I take a deep breath.  I want this moment to be forever in my mind.  I want this moment to last forever.

"I love you, Daddy," Mattie tells me before she slips out of my arms and out of my life.

"Love you, Mattie," I say as she walks towards the door.

Harm was kind enough to make sure I had all of his numbers and Mac's, just in case.  He wants me over for dinner at least three times a month.  He promises to keep me updated on her life.  Mac smiles at me and tells me to call her at any time.  It's good to have that support from a fellow member.  Mattie gives me one last wave.  

"Goodbye, Mattie and be good for Harm."

Her laughter rings through the air as Harm jokes, "She knows how to be good?"

The three get into the SUV and I watch as it pulls out of the driveway.  I'm watching a cloud of dust rolling down the way taking her away.

My little girl is gone.  She's left me and my future is gone.  I wish her the best of luck in her new life.  I know she can do it.  I know it.  She's got Shelly with her at all times, watching over her.  Mattie's going to be fine.  She's going to do it.  She's going to live my dreams and she's going to be her future.  

My life is gone.  My future is gone.   My baby has left me.

  
_And he cried   
There goes my life   
There goes my future   
My everything   
I love you, baby   
Goodbye   
  
_

I move to the mantle of the fireplace and look at the smiling picture of her.  I've never seen it before; she must have put it there before she left.  I pick it up and I cry as I notice the etching on the frame.  'I love you, Daddy.'

  
_There goes my life   
There goes my life   
Baby Goodbye  
  
_

I hold it to my chest.  "Goodbye, Baby.  I know you're going to be fine. I love you."

THE END


End file.
